Lottery

I really thought I was going to win Powerball last week. I went to a big effort to by tickets: I traveled to Charleston (GA is a MegaMillions state) and then I sought out the biggest hole in the wall to buy tickets, ending up at the Vegatable Bin, a tin hut next to the shore that didn't take credit cards. I could just picture the press conference in front of this place.

Throughout this process, Jill, Joel and myself (my traveling companions and co-workers) agreed that if we won, we would share and that we would be honest in our lottery speeches. We would not lie and say, "I might go on a great vacation, but I'm going to keep my factory job and my 1970 Pinto. It's not going to change my life." News flash: Winning $340MM is going to change your life--that's why so many of the lottery winners go bankrupt.

In reality, I would not give a speech, I would just disappear quietly to my own private island (and not go bankrupt). But if I did give a speech, this would be it:

I couldn't be happier that I won the idiot tax. I never play the lottery, so I'm especially happy that I didn't have to play the same numbers for 50 years, working to buy my tickets. Thanks Quick Pick, and thanks to all the people who increased the winning to $340MM. I'm grateful.

I plan to retire to my private island; never to be seen again. The private island will be an adult Neverland with whatever toys and food and drink an adult could want. There will be a short invite list.

To those in my inner circle, I plan to take care of you very well, inlcuding a private plane at your disposal to visit me on my island. To those outside my circle, don't bother trying to make friends with me. In general, I don't like people, and now that I have lots of money, I will probably only like human-kind less.

Thanks everyone!